Update to Starting Fresh

It's funny how as much as you try to escape your ego the more it comes back full force. Also funny is how much can change in a week. Last week I was all about reinventing myself and thought patterns. Even though I mentioned the ego and was aware of how much it was influencing my post there still was a lot of praise involved with it. There was this feeling that without ego we cease to exist, which is the ultimate ego trap and thought pattern. Yes, without ego "I" cease to exist, but there is still something in existence beyond that, a deeper connection to existence itself. That was what I was searching for. That is the true reinvention I wanted to experience.

My ego of course immediately jumped right back in and I almost went back and edited my post and completely changed it to reflect my new ideas. Almost just as quickly though I realized there was even more ego in doing that. As if I am bigger and better now and can go back into the past and change my previous self thus reinforcing my current ego even more. I laughed at myself for these thoughts, watched them, and saw them too fade like everything else. I would like to go ahead and thank Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth for the re-awakening that was experienced this week. My stepmother gave me the audio cd and as I listened I remembered, awoke, and found a deep peace. It's always nice to have a refresher and reminder about staying present, not attaching to your thoughts and emotions, and dissolving your sense of me, mine, and I. No matter how far along you think you are in your spiritual practice, how close to God, or how much you meditate it's always a good time to be reminded to be here now. Now too. And now again.

This blog or any blog for that matter is completely self indulgent and ego driven thinking that you or I have anything meaningful and purposeful to share with others; however, as the thoughts pour out and onto the page I am able to observe them and detach from them in some way. Maybe this helps no one or maybe it just helps myself, but the ego says I am all there is anyway so it has it's own self serving purpose I suppose. Perhaps when others view my crazy thought patterns they are able to better recognize the same neurosis in themselves or maybe I'm just able to take a step back and see it in myself better. Constant circular thoughts like this could drive someone mad or all of us mad- the collective psychosis. Breathe. Release. Be.

Peace and love! Good luck on the journey :)

My craziness and ego cannot rest so as an update to my post not even 5 minutes ago here is an unofficial video to reflect my song "Split Myself, " which perfectly goes along with all this crazy ego talk: